Words of Remembrance

Pat

Our Love Story started 52 years ago when we were very young and fell in love. A lot of people thought that you couldn't fall in love so fast but we did.  One look at one another and we knew we wanted to be together.  JL was 23, I was 19 and we loved each other so much. We were married within two months.  Jan was currently in the military when we met and shortly thereafter, we married and he then got stationed in Hawaii.  I couldn't go because they had no housing at the time but then two months later, he got stationed in San Diego which is when I became pregnant with our son, Dereck.  JL then had to leave when I was 8 months pregnant to Vietnam. He met Dereck for the first time when he returned home 6 months later.  I had Dereck in his Navy uniform so he could match his dad. I will never forget that day!

Jan was so proud, he took great care of Dereck. When he used to cry at night Jan would get up with him, carry him to the kitchen and they would both look out the window. Jan would say "Look how many people you are keeping awake."  Then he would just smile at Dereck.  Those were great moments.  We then moved to Fremont where I grew up and then 5 years later, I got pregnant with Trisha.  

JL was a great dad to both of his kids.  He took interest in all that they did.  When you have such a loving and caring man, it's hard to let go.  When they say "In sickness and in health", that is what we meant.  We loved each other thru it all.  I know I would be selfish if I said I wanted him back, but I do.  He's my one and only and he always will be.  I couldn't of asked for a better man, husband, and father.  

What has really been hard since JL's passing is me not seeing him every day, like I am used to.  I am so grateful to have been able to care for him every day, get him ready to take him to his cancer treatments and just be able to talk about how he was feeling and how his day was going.

I was trying so hard to get him better.  I wanted to take another trip to Windsor which he loved to do.  We would go wine tasting, buy a bunch of wine, kick back and relax.  He would love to sit by the fireplace and we would talk thru the night.  It was our special time together, just enjoying one another after all these years of marriage.  I would make him a special breakfast whenever we would travel and he would let me know how much he loved it.  JL was always so appreciative of everything he got.  He never expected anything and was the simplest guy I knew.  All he cared about was his family, especially his kids. He always made me laugh.  When you have been married as long as we have, I need to stop and count my blessings.  What a great life we had together, and thru all the ups and downs, we still loved each other like no other.  I will always love him. There will never be another JL Tompkins.  He was my life and will continue to be my life.  I recently told him that I needed him to give me another 10 years together.  I said you will only be 85 and I will be 81.  He said "ok", and that he was going to try and make that happen.  He always tried; he never gave up. But to be honest I feel he tried so hard for all of us because he knew we never wanted to have to say goodbye to him.  He was the core of our family.  We were the perfect puzzle, we all fit together perfect and now we have the biggest piece missing.  And no matter what we do, there will always be that gap, that missing piece. 

I know in my heart he is in a better place right now.  He had so much pride that I know it was hard for him to rely on us to help him do basic things his last few months of life.  He was always so independent so watching him struggle with asking for help silently killed me inside.  

Jan, I just want you to know how much you mean to me and how much you always will.   You are my life and always will be.  Your grandsons said to tell grandpa they love you very much and they loved watching movies with you and eating popcorn.  Lorenzo thanks you again for watching Trolls 2 with him about 15 times while Giovanni thanks you for making him your little buddy and appreciates the fact that you knew he didn't like to be called kiddo.  

I know that you will always be watching over your family and I also know that God will be taking good care of you.  Until we meet again, I love you.  Chow my love. Love, Pat

Dereck

As a young disabled boy growing up in the early 70's, there were not too many kids you saw like me. You rarely would see kids my age in a wheelchair, especially in Fremont.  And those I would meet were either in foster homes, broken homes or homes with absent fathers. 

Because my dad was in the Navy, he was out to sea at the time of my birth.  The first time he ever met me and held me was when I was 6 months old. At that time, I hadn't been diagnosed with my disease yet.  It wasn't until I was 18 months old that my parents got the news that I had Muscular Dystrophy.  It devastated my parents but it didn't tear them apart.  It was just my parents and I until I was about 6 years old and then Trisha came along.  She brought our family even closer together and we all considered her our angel, that is what my dad would always say.  

For the first 6 years of my life, although I don't remember much, I remember my parents always by my side, especially my dad.  He was the heartbeat of our family from the time Trisha and I were little until the day he passed away.  With all that being said, my dad never gave up on me.  He never looked at me as different and was never ashamed to be around me.  He took me everywhere and was my solid foundation for anything that was thrown my way over the years.  He did everything in his power to make sure I felt love, security and acceptance.  He tried his best to never let me feel left out or that I wasn’t worthy of doing things that other kids were able to do.  

I still remember a camping trip we went on together with our neighbors, it was about 40 years ago, I was around 11 years old and we were driving back home.  We all had decided to pull over to take a look and observe the ocean.  For many of us, it was really our first time seeing the ocean up close and in person. I still remember everyone jumping out of their cars to make a beeline straight to the water.  And here my dad was back with me slowly getting me out of the van as I sit in my wheelchair.  We sat at the top of the sand and just watched as everyone was frolicking in the sand like you'd see in the movies.

My dad took one look at me and without hesitation, immediately got me out of my wheelchair and carried me all the way down to the water. There was no way he was going to leave his son behind and that is how he was throughout the rest of my life.  No matter what the situation was, he never left me...not once.  

He was known as a family man.  All he did was work, come home, help take care of us, work on the house or the yard and then do it all over again.  He got me involved in so many things just so I would feel equal. it also gave our family a chance to spend quality time together because that is all he ever wanted. A period of time in my life that I will never forget is when my dad decided to get me involved in the 4H Club where we raised rabbits for years.  He built me a rabbit tree and helped me raise up to about 10 rabbits right in our backyard.  My dad had a ramp built so that I could get to the rabbits and help take care of them. This was just one of many things that my dad did for me over the years.  Just like when he carried me to the ocean, he carried me so many other important times.  He took me in his arms throughout my life whether it was when I needed to get up a flight of stairs without an elevator to a friend’s party or when he carried me and put me inside the limo for my Senior Ball, no matter what, he was there.

About 9 years ago, I was in the hospital for 3 months fighting for my life. Nobody knew whether I was going to make it or not. My dad was in his 60's at the time and slept in that hospital room with me every single night on a chair next to my bed.  He did this for the entire 3 months and again, never left my side. When I finally got released from the hospital, I came home in much worse shape than I had ever been.  I needed more help than ever. Most nights my dad would stand at the foot of my bed for well over an hour just trying to get me comfortable.  Again, he never left.  He then began sleeping in my room at night in a recliner just to make sure he heard me if I needed something.  He did that up until the last few months of his life.  We'd stay up watching our favorite TV shows that we recorded until around 2-3am and talk in between commercials.  That was our special time.  We loved watching TV together.

The things I will miss are endless, but I will especially miss his love.  Although we had our share of disagreements, at the end of the day, we always stuck up for one another and we had each other’s backs.  You see, my dad never left me.  No matter what, he never left me.  And now I am living my life without him and I feel lost. I'll always remember one time recently when we had to call 911 for my dad and the ambulance needed to take him to the hospital.  As he was being taken out our front door on the gurney, he looked at me and said "I'm sorry Dereck."  He knew he had always stayed by my side and now he was forced not to. I've lost the person that literally helped carry me throughout my life.  I feel like I'm in my very own version of Footprints in the Sand where it is now my dad who is carrying me again. I can just hear him already.  In true JL fashion, being the sarcastic, funny person that he was, he'd say it's not going to be footprints that you will see in the sand but rather tire marks my son, your tire marks.  But I will be right there with you to carry you when you need me. 

I love you pops.  You are forever my hero and I thank you for everything.  Love always, your son, Dereck. 

Trisha

I never really prepared myself for the day that I would need to lay my dad to rest, nor did I ever imagine having to do it in the middle of a global pandemic.  I especially never imagined it quite like this either. I couldn't even spend my dad’s last few weeks on this earth by his side. Instead, I had to wait daily to find a nurse that had time in their schedule to be able to facetime just so we could say hi and see him in his physical form.  I guess I need to be thankful for being next to him for those last few hours of his life as he lay in ICU trying to fight his last fight, but unfortunately, they got to him. The diseases finally got him. And now here we are at his final resting place with face masks, social distancing, a 25-person maximum service all while being forced outside as a way of a final, goodbye.  It frustrates me but on the other hand, I chuckle.  It's because I imagine my dad saying "it figures". You see, this was a guy who grew up his whole life with his birthday smashed in between Christmas and New Year’s so he never really got much of a celebration each year.  He'd be laughing while being sarcastic that his funeral wasn't much better.  But I am here to turn that around right now and to honor him the way he deserves to be honored.

My dad is the strongest man I know.  I say "is" because he is still very much alive in my heart.  Throughout his entire sickness, he would take every bad test result, and every bad doctor appointment that delivered bad news with a grain of salt and say "he could only do what he could do."  I think I have feared his death more than I have ever feared my own.

To really pay tribute to my father, I could be here all day.  There would be no end as to what I could write. My dad was my hero.  He was everything a man should be.  He did everything for his family and more.  He made sacrifices so we would not have to.  He didn't worry about anything materialistic for himself and lived his life as simple as could be.  All he needed was a new shirt and possibly some new jeans and he felt like he just hit the lotto.  He was giving, kind, funny, and sensitive all while being firm, stubborn and not very patient at times. Towards his later years of life, once he stopped working due to his first scare with cancer, he became more and more relaxed each year.  He began to pride himself on this new trait of being mellow but up until the day he died, I swear he'd still say that Roberto had him beat in the chill department. He'd always tell me "That husband of yours, he's so calm, like nothing phases him, I've never seen anything like it before.”  But he learned to take each day as it came and would always joke and say "Don't ever get old". Because as he grew older and sicker, it meant more trips to the hospital, more invasive tests and procedures, more medication and more worry put on his heart. That began to wear on his livelihood although he always kept a positive outlook on everything and kept his spirits high.  I am so proud of him.

He was the best father I could've asked for.  He was my support system, my advice giver, my human calculator, my rock.  He stood up for me when I needed it and next to me the day I married. He watched me become a mother to two incredible boys that he loved more than anything. He loved being a grandpa and kickin back with his little buddies.  He was my biggest supporter and mentor.  I knew if I made him proud, I succeeded no matter what the outcome was.  But most of all when I think of my dad, I think of a giving, hardworking man. He was the man that would give anything he had no matter if it left himself with nothing.  He was the man that the workers at the car wash used to love see coming when they saw him pull up.  That's because he became known for tipping them more than what he paid for the car wash itself.  I am now free to tell this story despite him telling me that my mother didn't need to know this.  But he believed they worked hard and deserved it.

He was the dad that did everything for his little girl.  He loved listening to all my high school stories and boy drama all the way up to diaper horror stories and until my most recent dislike of zoom and distance learning for my boys.   

He dedicated his life to making sure his family came first.  He never missed one single skating competition of mine in the 20+ years I skated.  He was an involved father, 100%.

All my friends would laugh at his love of hip hop music and his prior Days of Our Lives addiction.  His favorite channel used to be MTV (back when they did play music) and the show Making the Video was high on his priority list for the day.  You rarely caught him without his sunglasses on, I swear, he thought he was part of the Mafia.  He'd especially make me nervous when we'd go inside the bank together and he refused to take his glasses off at the teller.  I swear I thought we were going to get the button hit on us one day like they thought he was about to slip them a note.  

But between that and the spraying of Axe Body Spray down the aisle every time we went grocery shopping, you know, because he never knew who'd he'd run into and he wanted to smell good, it's fair to say my dad was one funny, sarcastic guy that loved life, and boy how I loved him.  

I could sit here and write a novel, I really could.  The moment my dad passed away, it was like my entire life flashed in front of me, Memories of us from when I was a little girl, to being a teenager and then as an adult all came to life for a brief moment.  Then I closed my eyes and realized I will never have a single new memory with him again, and that hurt.  And I know it will hurt for a long time to come.  I was daddy’s little girl.  He always would tell me that I was his angel, but now he's mine.  We were always there for each other.  I will miss telling him all my stories and I will especially miss hearing all of his repeated Navy stories that I must've heard over 100 times.  But the funny thing now, is how I would do anything to get one of those stories told to me again.

Thanks for being the best father in the world!  You are my inspiration to do right and the reason I try to do less wrong.  For the 27,711 days he lived on this earth, I can't let the one day he left us overshadow all the memories.  You will continue to influence my life even though you are not physically here with me. I will carry you with me always until I see you again. Love Your Girl, Trisha

Roberto

Jan Leon Tompkins by birth, most knew him as JL, but to me he was Juan Verde or John Green (which is the English translation). When we started to call each other that I really don’t remember but that’s what we referred to each other as. Why we started to call each other that is a different story.

Juan Verde was a wholesome, great person. He would try to get to know you wholeheartedly. He would ask you questions of your history and about your family background to try and get to know you better.  He would ask me all the time about Mexican culture and how we did certain things or what certain words meant. He would tell me about the great times he used to have during birthday and holiday gatherings or just weekend parties with his in-laws. He married into a Puerto Rican family and he would always say “your upbringing and background sound very similar to what I married into”. He would constantly ask me what certain things meant in Spanish according to Mexican culture and one day he asks me, “What does Juan Verde mean? I always used to hear my in-laws say Juan Verde?” Now, I do not know if that is what was said because I was never at any of those gatherings, it could’ve sounded like Juan Verde to him but hey, it stuck with us and from then on we referred to each as Juan Verde and John Green. I feel looking back at it, it may have been his way of welcoming me into his family. I don’t know, i can’t say for sure, but that’s what I felt and it was comforting.

What I do know is that JL was a person that would sincerely try to get to know you and would find a way to make you feel welcome and see what common ground you shared. He’d then take that and go with it.  He was non-judge-mental and never made you feel anything less than equal to him. 

I knew Juan Verde close to 20 years. We had plenty of conversations but there is one that always stuck with me. One that sums up what an awesome person and the kind of person he was. One day we were talking about sports (as we always would) and I saw him tired, I mean really tired, like really, really tired. I said to him, “You look tired, like you need to sleep for days or you need to have a relaxing vacation.” He responded to me “I’ll be ok Juan Verde, a little tired but I gotta take care of my son, I know Dereck needs me so I am going to take care of him as long as I live, these were the cards I was dealt and I’m playing them until the end”. I mean, WOW, not too many of those out there would say something like that, I guarantee it! Anyone can be a father, but only a few can be a superhero, an angel, a role model, a best friend father that will truly care for his kids, but that was Juan Verde. For those that don’t know, Dereck has had a lifelong medical condition and JL has been a primary caregiver for him his whole life.

Another conversation that I remember with him during one of the Christmas’ early on when Trisha and I were first dating went something like this. I said to him while we were looking at the Christmas tree “Are all of those presents for Trisha?”  We both looked at each other and he says “Unbelievable right? Well, it’s always been like that, my sissy gets mostly everything she wants but that’s ok, I’m happy I’ve been able to spoil her and as long as I live, I will continue to do so. She is my little girl. Funny thing is, she gets all of this and I’ll probably end up with a T-shirt and socks.”   “Go figure” was his usually saying, LOL. It always stayed with me among with so many other conversations.

I could go on and on. He was a giving person who gave and expected nothing in return. From when he bought Pat the BMW to countless items for his grandkids, to heavily tipping the people that dried his car at the car wash, he gave and gave and that’s what made him happy. Juan Verde was a selfless person, not only to his family but to others. He had a huge heart.
I hated seeing Juan Verde the last year of his life in the condition he was in. It was sad. It made me sad.  I knew him as always being active and doing something around the house so I knew his struggle and pain was pretty deep with the lifestyle he was being forced into. He would tell me, “Roberto don’t ever get old”. I’d tell him it was going to be ok and he would give me a look, a tired look and I would immediately change the subject by talking sports. Those were really good moments because I feel at that time, whatever pain or suffering he was going thru, he wouldn’t feel it because we would deflect and start talking about sports in no particular order. Whether it was about the 49ers, A’s, Warriors, or even the Sharks or the Earthquakes, that was our time. I will miss those conversations.

When the Coronavirus came around, I distanced myself from him for precautionary reasons. I would arrive at his house to drop off items at the front door and although he could not see me from his chair, he could hear me. We’d immediately try to yell out to each other, either “John Green or Juan Verde! How you doing?” He’d remind me that either the A’s, Warriors or 49ers were playing and we’d then finish off with an I love you and take care!

In conclusion, Juan Verde was gone too soon. He was my father-in-law, my second dad, my sporting analyst. I will miss him dearly and I look forward to seeing him in the future on the other side. As we used to say to each other, “I love you and take care”! You will be forever missed. 

“Juan Verde”

Beth

I am honored to share today with all of you.  2020 has been such a difficult year for everyone…  and even harder to be grieving the loss of my Uncle Jan.  He was my mom’s big brother, who she looked up to her whole life…  for so many reasons, as did my brother and I.  I don’t believe I’ve ever told my aunt and cousins how I felt, in detail, and I am now being given the opportunity to do so today. 

First of all, I wouldn’t even be here today if they weren’t for them being together.

My aunt and uncle are true warriors…their strength and perseverance is an example for all of us.  When they were young parents with a young child, their first child, my cousin, Dereck, who was diagnosed with MD, most young parents may have, probably would have, made different choices, dividing the family, separating, deciding things would be too difficult.  But being in love and dedicated to one another and to their little growing family, they chose to stay united and move forward together, forging a life as a family committed to each other and devoted to each other, because of their love for one another.  They are an example to see, adore, cherish, honor.

They taught their kids how to be strong, how to be loving, how to support each other and rely on one another in difficult times, no matter what.  Even today, they are here as one unit, a family. They remain strong.  They are an inspiration.  They are my family, and I love them – and not just because they get the best parking spaces.  I remember how cool my uncle was...always good front row parking...everywhere we went together.

I have never met another family who is as dedicated to one other as they are.  I am honored to be a part of their family, call them family.  I’m grateful for them.  Words cannot really describe the unconditional love that they show me, how welcoming and open hearted my Uncle Jan was, greeting me with open arms always, after years of absence after my own Dad’s death, after years of inconsistency and isolation on my part due to my own life choices.  I will miss him being a part of what he began, what he started.  I hold on to my memories of him, of his spirit, his warmth, his love.  I will continue to honor him in loving him in his absence.  That is how I keep his memory alive and keep him close to my heart, hold the influence of his love close to me. 

Tim

When I think of my uncle Jan there are a few things that stand out in my mind. He was humble, selfless, generous and loving. He was a man committed to his family. In fact, family was what he centered his life around. I grew up being raised by a single mother, Jan's baby sister, Rosie. She did an amazing job with the hand she was dealt. But I didn't see that father figure in my day to day life. However, when we had the opportunity to visit with Jan, Pat, Dereck and Trisha, I got to see how a loving father in the home, giving his all, could make such a difference. Jan didn't have it easy but i believe he lived his life being blessed by the love he was surrounded by. My aunt Pat and he shared an amazing bond and a beautiful journey through life together. They found each other early in life and spent more than five decades in love, something all aspire to have, which i know will endure beyond this mortal realm.

He was so proud of his kids, Dereck and Trisha. Dereck, his one and only son, would defy the odds given by doctors. He earned a degree and he would grow up to become brilliant in all areas of investment, technology and is the King of organization. He can also grow a pretty lush beard which I'm kind of jealous of. And Trisha, the apple of his eye, his one and only daughter, beautiful and sweet. They shared a father-daughter connection that was second to none. Jan would do whatever he possibly could make Trisha happy. Watching them dance together at her wedding was something really sweet and special. Jan also had an amazing bond that he found in his son-in-law Roberto, who has really stepped up along with the rest of the family when they were needed the most. And his love and pride carried on with the birth of his grandsons, Giovanni and Lorenzo. Both of whom were blessed to be able to spend their formative years in a loving family surrounded by both grandparents. Something, sadly, my kids never had.  I know the boys will grow to be better men for having known Jan and for the love and pride he had for them.

Something I will miss, probably the most, is Jan's sense of humor. When he got into one of his moods, possibly after a drink or two, it was something else. Double entendres would fly, that impish smirk, and the twinkle in his eye as he gave you the side-eyed glance. Followed by the laughs. So many laughs. I'm thankful to be part of this loving, funny, sweet and caring family. Jan may be watching from the other side now. But his memory, his love, and his legacy will live on in all of us. May Jan be now at peace and may peace be with us all.

Liana

Tompkins are like family to me.  Known them for over 30 yrs as my bro & Der were friends in HS & Trish & I became friends back in the 80’s.  

JL was such a fun person to be around and would make anyone laugh. 

Recall good times from him analyzing different rap songs and what they were trying to say or even better when he would rap them himself.  

Then recalling more sentimental times like when he had tears at my wedding and shared a dance with me on our wedding dance floor. I never had a father daughter dance, since I lost my own dad, 1998.  But it’s not about me. 

God-Father to me.  

JL, I miss you and will never forget the amazing person you were and how you thought of me like one of your own kids.